all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
