Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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