mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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