When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
