is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
