we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
