they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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