I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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