I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
