dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
