Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
