Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
