btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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