you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
