I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
