R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
