yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
