Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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