So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
