i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
