who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
