I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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