He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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