tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
