he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
