My hand turned me down
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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