i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Are my feet made of real feet?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
