My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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