i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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