I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
