At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
