I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
