i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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