Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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