And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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