mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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