i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
