after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
