Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
