Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
