and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
