nut hugger
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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