hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
