Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
