There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
