the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
