Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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