o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
