I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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