I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
