dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
